After living out of a backpack for 8 months, partaking in 40+ Shamanic ceremonies, exploring far beyond the veil of reality with Ayahuasca. I’m sharing a little on what I went through in 2012.
For those who are unaware, Ayahuasca is a sacred medicine that has it’s roots in these very old Amazonian Jungle tribes. It is an incredibly powerful psychedelic substance, where one can enter fantastic realms of cosmic consciousness.
(You can click to jump to a particular chapter)
01: Before 2012
02: Picking up the Camera
03: Into 2012
04: The Plant Teachers: An Ayahuasca Graphic Novel
05: Tierra Vida: An Ayahuasca Journey
06: Psychedelic Dialogues
07: Creating The Plant Teachers – Video Blog
09: My experiences with DMT
10: London Real Interview
11: Iquitos & Don Juan
12: Don Lucho Ceremony & Interview
13: Rebekah Shaman
14: In Cusco
15: Machu Picchu
16: A Return to Tierra Vida
17: The Ego
18: Solo Ceremony
19: Psychedelic Dialogues in the Jungle
20: Fire Ceremony
21: Editing in Pucallpa
22: The Sanctuary and The Black Vine
23: The Black Vine Ceremony
24: Travels in Mexico
25: Arriving in America
26: New York
27: 9/11 Anniversary
28: Occupy Wall Street Anniversary
29: Ayahuasca Monologues
30: Alex Grey Live Painting
31: New Paltz
32: Alan Steinfeld
33: Rick Doblin, Ph.D
34: Back to the Jungle
35: The Condor Eagle Prophecy
36: Bora Tribe
37: Ceremonies in New York
38: 21st Dec 2012 Ceremony
39: New Years Ceremony Report
40: To Conclude
2010 and 2011 were years spent rediscovering and reconnecting with nature.
In our modern culture we have become very detached from the Earth. We have constructed culture in a way of distancing ourselves further and further from nature. This separation has caused us to treat the Earth and it’s inhabitants in a terrible way. The neglect of the Earth is at it’s core a neglect of life itself.
The impact of how divorced I had become from nature was during trips hiking in the natural landscape of England. Picking the psychedelic mushroom ‘Psilocybin’ and proceeding to ingest them around a campfire deep in the woods.
The experience of the mushroom kicked me out of my habitual thinking patterns that had been conditioned into me via culture. It was as if a veil was suddenly lifted and made me see life for how it really is, not for how I thought it was. Suddenly seeing the true beauty of nature all around me. Seeing an underling pattern of energy encompassing myself and all of life around me. Everything part of the same unifying pattern of life.
I touched the leaves, the grass, the pine tree with it’s raindrop dews hanging off it’s needle like leaves, reflecting in each dew drop the light of the campfire. Creating the image of a celestial star field in the tree; an organic piece of art by mother Nature. And myself, a conscious aspect of that same Nature able to admire it. I saw the instance for what it truly was; The universe looking back upon itself through consciousness.
The experience I encountered here in the woods would repeat itself in similar forms during many Shamanic ceremonies. I would see the beginnings of the universe as the simplest form of energy imaginable. Weaving itself into ever increasing complexities of patterns and outcomes until we arrived at this current ‘now’ moment. This same piece of energy; That which began as one, is now everything in existence. I identified myself with not this ‘ego’ structure that is created out of the conditionings of a human’s upbringing. I saw what I and everyone else truly was, this force of life. The force of life was within me and in all of life outside. Becoming consciously aware of this life force I could feel all life stand to attention and the appreciation of the universe flowed through me that I was aware of ‘it’.. Of me, the entire works.
It is something that is quite obvious in theory – that we all evolved from one source in the tree of life. But as I found out, there is a big difference in understanding that truth theoretically, and in having a direct experience of that truth; to feel it in every cell of your body.
The reason the remembrance brings difficulty is that we have learnt to only associate ourselves with the ego. And in a culture that prioritizes the intellect of the ego over the wisdom of the heart, the illusion of separateness is firmly maintained…
02: Picking up the Camera
Taking a DSLR camera with me on one of my Nature treks, I strung together some footage of a trek in Snowdonia where myself and Psilocybin advocate Simon G Powell would conduct Psilocybin and Ayahuasca ceremonies around a campfire deep in the woods.
I’ve always liked how the Psilobybin mushroom grows in the most beautiful parts of the UK during the months of Sept-Dec. Picking the mushroom from the Earth itself and conducting a ceremony around the campfire engrossed in nature has become the perfect way to end the year. It provides a reflective state of mind to ponder the years past. I like to think the mushroom absorbs the beauty of the natural landscape it grows in and gives a part of that beauty back in the form of these extraordinary experiences.
With the Mushroom and Ayahuasca; to look up and see the stars as a conscious element of the universe and see your true self twinkling back at you is quite profound…
To allow myself more time to work with Ayahuasca and walk the Shamanic path, I left the comfortable job position I had held for two years as a conceptual designer for the video games industry shortly after we entered 2012. I produced conceptual artwork for music games such as DJ Hero 2. Below is an example of some of the art I would produce for that role:
Coming from my heavy background in art and animation. A lot of I went through with Ayahuasca was very visual. Ayahuasca has a way of presenting information to you in ways you best understand.
So because my experiences were often so visual, I played with the idea of creating a narrative scene by scene depiction of what I went through with a comic book graphic novel. I had been writing and storyboarding many of my experiences with the plant teacher Ayahausca. Below is an example of some of the storyboards I have been working on:
I felt that the message I wanted to get out with my Plant Teachers graphic novel would take a long time, so in order to get an initial message out quicker, I did what I had never done before, and sat myself down in front of a camera and started to speak. No longer hiding behind my art to give my message.
Using the footage I filmed during my stay at the Tierra Vida Ayahuasca Retreat; I started to edit together a testimonial video of what I experienced with the Ayahuasca.
I was a little unsure of exposing myself in such a way, but I received some positive feedback from others who seemed to resonate with what was said in the video. I started to explore where I could take my new found filming interest.
Shortly after this I met a woman named Rebekah Shaman, who wrote a book about her experience receiving a vision of a Shaman calling her to the Jungle to work with Ayahuasca. She found the Shaman deep in the Amazon Jungle and studied the Shamanic ways with him. 14 years later she was returning to the Jungle to take a group of Ayahuasca seekers to the house of the Shaman she studied with.
I thought it would be a good chance to experiment with my documentary filming and help promote Ayahuasca. I agreed to tag along and film the experience there, her relationship to this family and have her talk about the teachings she learnt from the now deceased Shaman, Don Juanito.
Find out about her book at: http://rebekahshaman.com/
I returned into the woods of Snowdonia in Wales to camp out and film some of the surroundings to try and establish a filming and post production style that I wanted to create for the Rebekah Shaman documentary I would be shooting in the Jungle.
Here is the short video I edited of that:
Because I would be meeting many interesting individuals with experience in psychedelics, I thought it might be a good idea to have them talk about some of their experiences on film. I started by filming my friend Simon G. Powell talking about the Ayahuasca ceremony we conducted in the woods of Snowdonia, Wales.
Simon G Powell does a lot of great work to promote Psychedelics. Check him out at: http://www.simongpowell.com/
I’ve always loved watching other artists share their work practices, they are both inspirational and informative. I thought I would record the process of creating my Ayahuasca Graphic Novel both to motivate myself and hopefully help others understand a little more behind the creative process.
This first chapter deals with the writing and storyboarding aspect. Hopefully there will be many more of these to come, tracking the entire creation process.
Shortly before embarking on trip back to the Jungle, I spent some time with a friend in Africa. Reconnecting with the land of humanities origin. Here is some footage of that trip:
Dimethyltryptamine or ‘DMT’; commonly referred to as ‘The Spirit Molecule’. No doubt a title earned through its ability to induce states of awareness where the user seems to gain access to a place beyond life and an affirmation of the existence of spirit.
(Near the end of my post I write in more depth about what I believe these realms actually are that we enter.)
I was interested to know if synthetic DMT would tap into the same states of consciousness as the DMT containing Ayahuasca. Not only was it the same, but I continued with an unresolved Ayahuasca ceremony…
I close my eyes and descending down to me is the flower of life pattern (shown above) clad in colours of greens and whites. As it covers my entire field of vision, a feminine face begins to morph into shape from out of the pattern’s design. It felt like the Spirit of Ayahuasca welcoming me back with open arms. I’m then surrounded by ancient hooded female Shaman. An occurrence very similar to what happened in a previous Ayahuasca ceremony. In that ceremony I was lying down with many ancient looking female Shaman crouched down looking over my sleeping form.
They surrounded me and had a wooden cup that they were dipping into my essence and then observing what was inside. They were observing the total unique essence of my being that has been defined out of every event, thought and action in my life. One of the batches they scooped up contained within it some darkness. They turned to me to show me what they had scooped up as if asking ‘what is this?’ The darkness started to expand out of the cup at a ferocious rate until it poured out and back into me, consuming my entire body. They departed quickly after, not wishing to be around such an energy.
This DMT experience seemed to be a continuation of that same interaction. These female Shaman again turned my attention to this darkness that was affecting my inner world. The inner world was a dome like environment made up of this same flower of life pattern in greens and whites. Within this space was a vortex of darkness sucking in the surrounding positive energy. The feminine face of Ayahuasca that grew out of the pattern of life was off to one side in my peripheral vision assisting me throughout this.
“We really need to do something about this now, you have to get over this.” She spoke to me.
“Look! We discovered this.”
Going into the darkness, it spread into my entire filed of vision. There was something within the darkness they wanted me to see. A glimmering white hot knife-like object; it felt very foreign. One of my initial thoughts was that someone had put this here in me.
“Take hold of it.” The Spirit told me.
I grab hold of this device, pulling it out and over my left shoulder; I feel a great pressure released from me. Bright crystalline water flows out of what was once the dark vortex, until there are just a just a few specks of this darkness floating on the surface of this inner-dimensional realm. The dark residue left behind begins to float away and out of mind, but I am very intrigued by what it is. This feminine entity who has been with me the whole time seems to go into a motion of grabbing my hands, not speaking but clearly giving the message to leave it alone. I let go and get the impression that our time is nearly up.
In the final minute of the DMT experience I am thrust firmly beyond the veil, where there were many beings dropping in and out, seemingly coming to observe this visitor among their ranks. A young girl in the crowd excitedly waves goodbye and the female entity who has been present throughout this entire ceremony is drifting off to the side and out of sight, taking with her this entire vision; the dome around me peeling back to be taken with her. She goes hand in hand with this young girl, still waving goodbye to me. They were disappearing further and further out of sight until all that was left was a faint light in the distance where they had departed and a few trails of light orbs which slowly traced their movements until they also disappeared out of sight.
I can still feel the DMT tenuously working it’s way through my system and as I open my eyes after this interaction, I take a look at my hands. There is a distortion in the atmosphere around an inch outwards of my entire body, like you would see above a flame. It is very rare for me to ever have any kind of hallucinatory element that places itself within this reality, it’s almost entirely behind closed eyes. But here I clearly see this energy field around me. I cannot say what it was, but it was very fascinating to observe!
During the DMT experience, when I took this metaphorical thorn out of my soul, I felt great relief. I felt all these worries and self doubts I had just fade away. When we connect to this place beyond the veil, there is always great relief. I feels as though we are reconnected with the light of the eternal spirit, there is a strong sensation (and shared by with me by others) that you are spirit having the experience of a physical body.
These entheogenic agents such as Ayahuasca are such powerful partners in helping us remember this light within us, and I think it’s a great crime of our State to separate us from the union of this partnership through their threats of violence and imprisonment.
I feel very strongly that these tools (when used in the correct environment) are great teachers to the Human Tribe.
And that Human Tribe is the essence of what I felt on my camping experiences alone in the wild. I touched the great sense of family I know everyone has within them that they feel to the rest of humanity. Echoes of our communal tribe past. I felt respect for the tribe that we are all trying to figure out this game of existence here on Earth.
Each and everyone of us is bringing something to our collective understanding of life by living our unique lives, bringing back discoveries we make along the way.
After the release of my Tierra Vida video I was contacted by the guys over at London Real.
They had released a video about their experiences with Ayahuasca during the same time as my Tierra Vida video and I wanted to know if I would like to come on their show to talk about Ayahuasca in more depth.
See more of London Real at: http://www.londonreal.tv
A week after that interview I packed my backpack and flew to the Amazon Jungle once more.
I arrived in Iquitos, the main location in the Amazon Jungle people visit seeking Ayahuasca. On the recommendation of a friend, I sought out the Shaman; Don Juan Tangoa Paima.
Coincidently the owner of the hostel I was staying at was familiar with him and knew a couple guys in the area who were partaking in a ceremony with him tomorrow night.
The next night we arrive at Don Juan’s place, a couple streets from Iquitos airport. Outside his house there are what looks like abandoned buses. A whole bunch of people arrived and never escaped we joke.
Don Juan greets us and shows us where we will drink Ayahuasca and where to find the toilet. This place is very raw, no fancy tourist Ayahuasca retreat. We will be drinking the brew in the Shaman’s front room, which is a dank concrete box with a few plastic chairs and some thin blankets on the hard floor. No buckets. (or ‘wellness buckets’ as I started to call them towards the end of my trip) Nope, if we needed to purge, we would have to run outside and project our vomit into the flower patch.
As Don Juan is preparing the space for ceremony he is telling various stories, some of which are translated by one of the participants present. According to Don Juan, 30% of an Ayahuasca experience is illusion, conjured up by the ego, and that we are to find the 70% of what is true. One of the false illusions he had was a vision of the future where the Earth was destroyed by a meteor. He goes on to say how Ayahuasca can (when true) allow us glimpses into the future.
Called up by Don Juan to drink the Ayahusca, I return to sit on my blanket on the hard concrete floor. I am sitting by the wall furthest from the door, so when the purge comes on I better be quick!
The best way I can describe the visions from Don Juan’s ceremony is ‘electric’. Later agreed with by the other participants, who were dealing with visions of vibrant electric UFO’s. It was as if I was in a neon metropolis; Las Vegas combined with Tokyo, with elements of a neon dressed carnival. The visions were incredibly vibrant, all played at an intensely high frames per second.
I had no real insights from the early visions, but incredibly impressed with them nevertheless.
These visual designs not out of place in modern world were not something I had ever experienced with Ayahuasca, where my visions tend to focus on the natural environment. Although this was the first time I had experienced it deep in the bustling town like this, right next to an airport also. I wondered if the environment played a key factor in that? Or perhaps it was due to Don Juan’s ferocious energy…
At one point in the ceremony I see how the Shamanic songs he sings (called icaros) control the energy of the room. I see various patterns and visuals escape his mouth and bloom into the room, creating a protective dome around everyone present.
This dome conjures up crystal clear memories within my mind, as if someone is playing back a video in great clarity to me.
These are not my own memories, they are scenes from other lives, yet still they seem to hold some sense of familiarity to me. I wonder if they are collective memories of humanity? Past lives or a vision of the future?
These scenes don’t take up my entire field of vision but are interlaced between segments of this protective dome that Don Juan has conjured up around us all; constantly rotating, revealing new memory scenes in each segment of the dome. One of them shows a family in New York Central Park, another showing the life of an African child in an empoveraged village.
I receive what seems to be a vision of the future. Some time in the future where the veil that seperates this alternate realm we access with the Ayahuasca and our current dimension are lifted temporarily. I see a celestial ship made up of countless coloured lights passing by Earth, invisible to those unable to see beyond the veil. I see a mass of souls from Earth ascend onto this celestial ship to continue on their existence in these higher dimensions.
I look at my hands. I see a life force flowing through them. Envisioning a holy white light that ran throughout my veins. I then experienced something very new. I am confronted with the energy of myself, only it is a little different. It feels like myself but at the same time outside of the current me. There is an stronger element of confidence to this energy. Each person has a unique make-up of energy, it is hard to define it in words what that is or how mine is. It is very much like particular flavour or taste. When you get a taste of it, there is something that erupts in your heart that knows what it is.
It feels almost like it is a future form of myself, checking up one me. It feels as though this future self has attained some knowledge of the way these different dimensions work and has found a way to dip in and out of them into certain time frames. As absurd as it may sound, (it certainly does to me) it was just the sense that erupted in my heart when I was confronted with it.
I look again at my hands and wrists. I see certain wristbands on them that should not be present, a certain glimmering blue bracelet. In my peripheral vision I catch glimpses of some kind of blue robe that I am wearing.
I think to myself, “I can’t wait to be that guy!”
The next day I proceeded to accompany the guys I was in ceremony with to see another Shaman going by the name of ‘Don Lucho’, who lives in the Jungle near a village called Manakamiri.
It takes about a twenty minute boat ride and a forty minute walk through the Jungle to get to his retreat; A very tranquil part of the Jungle. There is a small lake on his land, which we use to cool off after such a long sweaty walk through the Jungle!
The Ayahuasca brew here was the most potent I’ve had to date. It makes me very heavy headed and I need to lie down for the entire ceremony.
Don Lucho sings some of my favourite Icaros to date. They are not the most lively of songs. Instead it has a repetitive aspect to it that is not too interfering and is perfect to put oneself in a trance-like state. Have a listen for yourself in the video below:
Don Lucho brings up the energy of Christ in his prayers, singing about him in his icaros. This is reflected in my experience as for the first time I have themes of Christ and reflections on his life in my ceremony. I see myself underneigth Jesus’ crucifixcion. A human being like all capable of fear and love. He is looking down to where I am asking why I do not take up his path of Peace.
I am left in the darkness. It then looks as though gigantic gothic metal archways open up. They open up and I am drawn upwards, there are stairs that seem to go on for an eternity. Seems as though I am being assisted in the ascension of these stairs by a great chain that pulls me upwards. On either side of me are great faces within the darkness. Very old, dark and wrinkled faces, humanoid in appearance but somewhat Alien looking. They have long faces, their bone structure seemed to create an organic crown structure on their heads; They had a very ancient feeling to them. Gate-keepers to whatever may be ahead perhaps?
I eventually reach what seems to be the top. I burst out into a vast open space; a dome expanse. Within this space the faces of countless Alien life forms look down on my sleeping form. Are these all life forms around the universe that have reached the ascension process? Does all life reach a point in the pysichal realm of matter and the next process of evolution is to ascened into this non-physical form unbound by space and time?
The Alien faces spoke nothing for I could not comprehend. I just got the overwhelming sense that they just wanted to make themselves known to me, that they are here; always.
Here in the Jungle, some of my favourite parts of the ceremony are when there is no singing and the ambient noise of the Jungle becomes known. The sounds of life erupt from the Jungle and it feels as though the environment is singing in it’s joy over how healthy it is. It feels as though this is how the environment is supposed to be.
The next day I start to film an interview with the Shaman Don Lucho; completely by accident. I was trying to ask him in my broken Spanish if he was ok with me filming his land. He misunderstood it as thinking I wanted to film him speak about his land. A nice little coincidence that worked as a good intro for him and his land that was used to help get him funding for his Ayahuasca & Sustainability Retreat.
You can check out the video below:
I liked his view of using Ayahuasca to diagnose what other plant medicines are needed to heal the patient.
To find out more about Don Lucho’s Ayahuasca retreat visit: http://www.kapitari.org/
A couple days later I met up with Rebekah Shaman in the town of Iquitos to shoot this promotional documentary on her Shamanic work.
It took a 10 hour boat ride to arrive at the families house deep in the Jungle. The boat took from sunrise to sun set, and as night drew upon us I lay down on the roof of the boat looking up at the stars as the boat crept into the ever increasing darkness of the Amazon Jungle.
The family waited on the river bank to greet our arrival. I remember the boat arriving on the bank and seeing the 80+ year old Shaman stand there lighting the surroundings with the burning stick she carried in her hand; beholding a very ancient feel.
It was quite an experience living there in their rickety old wooden house on stilts. Although the day we arrived was the day they had installed a generator & electricity for the first time. The family bought a TV of all things to install into the house! It was very unusual being deep in the jungle, the stars and sounds of the Jungle out in full with the little house ferociously beaming out artificial light from the cracks in the house.
Here is a little bit of footage of the family glued to their freshly installed TV:
The ceremonies were the busiest I’d been in to date; 15+ people drinking Ayahuasca in the family’s small living quarters. We were sitting shoulder to shoulder.
After the heaviness of Don Lucho’s brew, this one felt very weak in comparison. I had very minimal interactions with the medicine. The icaros the ancient Shaman was singing were incredibly sweet though. You can listen to one of her songs below:
During ceremonies here I visually saw how both good and bad vibrations and emotions enter a person, how that person then internalizes that information and how they choose to either pass that on as good or bad vibrations or if they wish to change it. I saw when there were occasions where people gave me their positivity, how I kept it to myself and proceeded give out negativity. I had to make sure that I would only give out positive vibrations to others. It would be up to them whether they decided to continue passing on that positivity.
Living with the family there for a week was very tranquil. Washing in the river, relaxing in hammocks and just being in nature. I also spent a lot of my time filming.
I had finished a 1 hour cut of the promotional video, but thought it was a little too drawn out and could do with condensing to 30 minutes. While I work on finishing that you can still check out the trailer to it below.
Connect with Rebekah at: http://www.rebekahshaman.com/
14: In Cusco
I was in the Cusco area for the Summer Solstice 2012. The Summer Solstice marks the longest day of the year and the planetary placement is celebrated in many cultures around the world. Stonhenge for example in the UK had been associated with the Summer and Winter Solstices for about 5,000 years and the Solstice celebrations date back to the time of the ancient Egyptians.
All week long there were celebrations in the main town of Cusco, where during the night many young people took to the streets to dance! Check out some footage of that below:
On the actual day of the Summer Solstice we journeyed to Pisac to catch the sunrise.
Trekking around the mountains of Pisac. I encounter and film some great local flute players.
15: Machu Picchu
I wrapped up my time in the area of Cusco with a trip to the majestic Machu Picchu.
To me it wasn’t the archaeological site of Machu Picchu that I found most impressive, but the mountains surrounding it that held the most magic. They were extrodinary, it makes it look like Machu Picchu was built there as a place to admire the surrounding mountains.
At the top of the archaeological site of Machu Picchu I have Rebekah talk a little more on her story. She talked about how when working to find ways where corporations could work more with local communities, Rebekah was invited to a meeting with James Wolfensohn, the then president of the World Bank.
She saw from the very top how the system that’s in place is not to empower local communities, but to empower capitalism and globalisation.
Take a listen to her story in this short promotional video:
After Cusco I travelled to Pucallpa, where I spent time with the people who run the Ayahuasca retreat Tierra Vida. I believe there is truly something very special about the healing work the people here bring to others trough the guiding force of Ayahuasca.
As much as it is about the healing with Ayahuasca, it is also about a group of individuals who have stepped away from the environmentally damaging rat race of modern society. Becoming self sustainable and inspiring others to do the same. Being a beacon of light in working with positivity and healing, where participants who went through their own healing can go back and hopefully spread the healing in their own communities.
Find out more about Tierra Vida at: http://tierravidahealing.com/Welcome.html
I had some very powerful ceremonies at Tierra Vida and very interesting revelations about the environment. With the Ayahuasca I am often more in tune with the unseen layers of reality. Seeing how performing rituals such as the burning of Palo Santo (holy wood) and White Sage with intention affects the energy of the environment and is picked up by others, affecting their mood and pulling at emotion. Being in the ceremony space with a long history of healing work has made the space feel very protected. My experiences with Ayahuasca here have always been incredibly positive. Always encountering guiding and loving spirits.
The people present can also have a significant effect on your experience. You pick up on the energy other participants in ceremony. This is why it’s always a bit of a gamble when being in ceremony with many people; and the ceremonies here had around 20 participants. I’ve heard horror stories on how one person, who had a past of dealing with very dark occult interests, brought a lot of that dark energy into the ceremony and it was picked up on by other guests, giving them a lot of darkness to deal with in ceremony.
Thankfully I was very lucky in the fact that all 20 people were very loving people, and being present with such people provided me with the most beautiful experiences to date.
During one ceremony here I could see how we were all adding to this collective positive energy that surrounded the room and how we could all add to and receive from it to benefit our own inner journey.
To this date I had partaken in around 20 Ayahuasca ceremonies. In all my ceremonies, even though they were all amazingly extravagant and enlightening, I could still agree with the idea that it was all just a projection of the mind. However in these recent ceremonies at Tierra Vida I was confronted with entities and other realms with such intensity that I could no longer agree with that statement. If it was just the visual aspect it would be something else, but there is an emotional response to these interactions. A sudden remembrance of these realms and spirits, as if we have known them from long ago. This familiarity that hits us when we encounter these realms is also something other people have reported to me; it seems to be a universal trait.
During one ceremony at Tierra Vida I drink a second cup of Ayahuasca two hours after the first one. Two minutes later I purge out the second cup! (it’s hard to keep down a second cup as you’ve become more in tune with your body after the first cup)
I’m struggling with the purge, the Shaman sits next to me casually chucking flower water over me. I think that I’ve fluffed it and the Ayahuasca won’t be in my system after purging it so quickly. But as I lie down I immediately hear the iconic high pitching whirring noise that get’s louder and louder. It is rumoured to be the noise that accompanies the activation of the Pineal Gland (the third eye) and is commonly heard when smoking pure DMT. I have never heard it under an Ayahuasca experience and am very surprised that this happening so strongly after puking up the brew so quickly.
But nevertheless I lie there with this noise getting louder and louder, I feel as though there is an electrical charge running through my entire body making me hyper sensitive to everything.
There is a crystal platinum ufo structure in the distance moving closer and closer as the ringing gets louder until this structure is right above my head. I receive a closer look at it and it looks as though within the structure there are dozens of observing faces. It hovers over me for a moment as the ringing reaches an unbearably loud level, tension building until it finally releases with a crunching noise and the ufo structure overhead bursts into countless fragments where it then constructs itself into an environment around me.
It is a circular room where all the structures are created out of the same white and green symbols that run across everything. On the outer wall are statues of various Shamanic entities and within an enclave in the wall the Shaman himself sits. This is what it means to be a multidimensional being. The Shaman sits in ceremony singing, but at the same time he also sits in this higher dimension. Information is being sent my way via the Shaman, but it is all garbled; Alien sounding to me.
I am overwhelmed by the experience and in my peripheral vision I see guiding spirits presenting various items to me to help me cope with being in this state.
There were various different Shaman performing ceremonies at Tierra Vida. One of the Shaman in particular, ‘Orlando’ had a unique technique of sucking stuck negative energies out of a person and then purging it out. I had read accounts of this unusual practice, but have never had a direct experience.
Mid way through a ceremony Orlando shuffles over to sit in front of me. After singing an icaros he places his hands on my head and begins to suck something out of my temple with much ferocity. I remember the sound reverberating loudly throughout my head. In my mind images of my culture rapidly flickered through my mind. Living in such a culture had given me a certain amount of fear and a block of my compassion. It seemed as though the sickness of my culture was being sucked out of me. Every few moments Orlando would stop to be sick. I felt incredibly bad for him to be purging this out for me. I patted his back to try help him through this purge.
After repeating this a couple time he hugged me saying “Thank you, thank you.” We shared the burden of that negative energy and it seemed in the process he was able to understand a little more about the enregies we receive by living in our culture.
The nature of the self has always been a fascinating subject to me. What is this ego that separates you from I, that feels angry when it’s pride is hurt and smug when right.
I remember my interest in this beginning with a meditation session I had many years ago when these ideas were not known to me. There came a point when I was very deep in the meditation, where my consciousness attention was suddenly cast out of my body and I remember suddenly seeing myself for how an outsider might view me. It was very disconcerting to suddenly feel that which I never had before. The point that was so interesting was I vividly remember something grabbing back my consciousness attention, bringing me right back into my body and hearing the words spoken out to me.
“You don’t know what you’re doing! You can’t do this without me, I’m the one who has made it so that we’ve survived to this date!”
The voice of my ego, speaking out in such a way that it didn’t feel as though it was me, after believing it to be for so long.
After which my consciousness firmly returned into my body, albeit shaken up from such an unusual experience.
I didn’t understand the nature of this experience at the time. After sessions with the Ayahuasca, I began to understand more on what this ego structure is.
There is a way to force the ego to appear and have a confrontation. By putting yourself in a situation you are not comfortable in. It hides behind places you are not likely to visit; your fears, your pain. When you are confronted with information and interactions that threaten to change the the illusion of a world view, the ego will come out to try and reclaim it’s control.
It tells you what to do, when to do it. You’ve listened to it’s call for so long you’ve started to believe it’s you; it’s not.
It was my last planned Ayahuasca experience in the Jungle at Tierra Vida and where my scheduled plans for this 2012 ran out and hadn’t made firm plans on what my next move was. From here I was at the mercy to the unfolding of the universe. It was an unsettling experience for I also didn’t have much money at all. So sitting here in meditation in an Ayahuasca ceremony with this uncertain future looming ahead of me, suddenly a familiar sensation starts to wash over me. A voice starts to formulate out of me not heard since that moment many years ago.
“What the hell are you doing here!? You got to get out of this, get yourself back into your career, forget about other people and just take care of your yourself!”
I had anticipated this and instead of being overwhelmed by the encounter, I recognised it for what it was, the ego backed into a corner and lashing out. I was able to take myself out, not pass judgment on it, but to just observe it.
Toltic wisdom talks about how in this life we are all God having the experience of separation and that the ego, which is an accumulation of all out cultural conditionings and upbringing, creates an illusion of ‘self’, acting as the smoke between mirrors that stops us from seeing our true selves reflected back at us in all of life. Once I broke out of the illusion of ego, stood behind it was what many have referred to as ‘the higher self’ or the ‘soul’. It stood there in admiration, thanking me for finally meeting with it.
I saw the many different life experiences this soul had inhabited. In it’s journey, I could see back to the spirit entering this body at birth. Having to come from a huge expanse of consciousness and squeeze into a really tiny form of consciousness with a Human.
The ego is there to give us a unique experience of life, for behind it lies a self that is connected to the oneness of all life. The ego feeds off the conscious attention you give it and it will do everything in it’s power to maintain it’s energy source. In ancient Toltec wisdom they called this ego structure the ‘parasite’.
I honestly believe it is a major factor in so much conflict in the world; people have let this parasite run amok.
I partook in my first solo ceremony; just me and the Shaman Orlando, you can listen to one of his icaros below.
Being just myself and the Shaman, it was a very relaxed and casual atmosphere. So much so that he took pauses in some of his singing to say “Canta! Canta!” (Sing! Sing!) Wanting me to try and sing. I tried singing some Shamanic songs I had heard from Shaman singing in person and also Shamanic songs from the internet.
After a while though there came a point where I just let go of all thought, becoming of no mind, but still singing. It reached a point where I was not entirely conscious of the song escaping me, it felt as if I was channelling the song, simply a vessel for that song to come out of (from where I have no idea).
We sat in silence for a moment after that. I was amazed at that last experience. It wasn’t over. I could hear a melody playing within me, I could feel it rising from the base of my stomach, pushing upwards into my chest and wanting to come out. A song wanted to be sung! But by that point my shyness had kicked back in and I didn’t want this song to come out, trying ever so hard to keep it down.
Orlando seemed to pick up on this and began to sing his amazingly complex icaros; showing this amateur how it’s really done! I marvelled at the song’s complexity and his ability to remember such an intricate arrangement of unusual vocal sounds.
At the end of the ceremony we sit there in stillness with a cool breeze brushing over us, Orlando admires how blessed this area is.
19: Psychedelic Dialogues in the Jungle
I shot a few more interviews with explorers in the Self. My friend Zain in particular spoke some very beautiful words when we sat down to speak about his Ayahuasca experience.
20: Fire Ceremony
To wrap up our time at Tierra Vida, a couple of the facilitators organised a fire ceremony. A very magical healing ritual, where they call on the souls of the ancestors and make offerings to the Earth through the placing of sticks into the bonfire that have been prayed into. You make certain prayers into the sticks you collect for the fire. The prayers could be anything from wishing family and friends good will or to pray for assistance in shedding certain aspects about yourself that no longer serve you. It is performed on a new or full moon, embracing the new and and letting go of the old. To mark the end of the ceremony we were treated to a full moon rising out of the horizon of the Amazon river; quite a spectacular sight indeed!
Miska & Jimmy have recently set up their own Shamanic Healing website at: http://www.medicineoflight-healing.com/Welcome.html
21: Editing in Pucallpa
Heading out of the Jungle I spent some time in a hostel in the town of Pucallpa to edit together some of the footage I had been taking. Holed up in a hostel with no air conditioning to work on my laptop was not an enjoyable experience I can tell you that much!
After spending a couple weeks working on my film footage I would be called back into the Jungle for one last ceremony…
22: The Sanctuary and The Black Vine
During my stay in Pucallpa I visited a woman from Czetch Republic who worked on the University Campus in Pucallpa. A fair few years ago she released a book full of photos from various different Ayahuasca retreats. There was one place that caught my eye. An Ayahuasca retreat built on a Volcanic Spring area called ‘El Santuario’ (The Sanctuary)
With a crude hand drawn map, myself and a fellow UK expat I met make our way there the following day. Taking collectivos (taxis) to the neighbouring towns then hitching a ride on the back of a 4×4 truck, racing down dirt paths for two hours until we reach the river and begin a boat ride and walk through the Jungle to get there.
It is the most beautiful retreat I have ever seen and also in one of the most remote places in the Jungle I have been to. See some of the photos from this place.
That’s scorching hot volcanic water that runs by the main building. Too hot to go in. The Shaman has built a little enclosure that mixes some of this hot Volcanic water with some cold Spring water that is the temperature of a warm bath. The first wash I’ve had in warm water for three months, quite the luxury!
The kids seemed to amuse themselves greatly around me and would often wait outside the Tambo I was staying in wondering why I wasn’t playing with them yet.
After a night with a particularly difficult ceremony I’m woken up by one of the kids walking into my Tambo far too early as he was ready to be entertained. Uttering the words ‘Microphone!’
I gave him my microphone so he could entertain himself with the recordings of last nights ceremony songs. This was a silly idea as the songs began blaring out of the microphone speakers, not good after such a difficult ceremony. I gave him some headphones so he could listen privately, but he proceeded to sing along to the well known to him icaros.
“OK I give in I’ll get up!”
It became most amusing when I attempted to get out my camera to start talking about some of my experiences with Ayahuasca on film. Any time I got the camera out it was like a homing beacon for the kids and they would track me down and demand to play with the camera. They found it hysterically funny to see photos and videos of themselves played back to them and acted in increasingly goofy ways in order to provide them with the most hysterics when they watched it back on the camera’s view-finder.
23: The Black Vine Ceremony
My first time drinking the black vine of Ayahuasca. The Ayahuasca vine comes in many different variaties. Yellow, Red and Black. The Black is a particularly strong variant of the vine. It is typically used by Brujo Shaman (those that deal with dark energies) What kind of Shaman have I gotten myself involved with I wondered?…
He would later say he adds twice the usual amount of the DMT containing leaf; Psychotria Viridis. Evident by the incredibly sweeter taste it gave the concentrated brew.
This potent mix resulted in one of the most powerful ceremonies I’ve had; definitely the darkest of ceremonies…
Very early in the ceremony I could sense the Ayahuasca in my system, coursing it’s way through my entire body.
There were 4 Shaman to us 3 guests; quite the privileged experience! They didn’t sing for what felt like a very long time. I lay there marvelling at the blessed family that live here, connected to the land; a centre of healing and life. How lucky I thought for the kids here to grow up in such an environment. I could feel how healthy the environment here around us was.
I feel some intelligence outside of me begin to observe me. The energy of the Shaman checking up on me. I give my respects to him and the wonderful space of healing he facilitates here. There is a visionary element to this exchange; I see the energy of the Shaman. Very organic and plant like, greens and yellows with stalk like organisms, glowing yellow orbs bubbling out, holy whites and distant green backgrounds. I’ve seen similar energy before from other Shaman. It is a good energy, one that is formed through a deep connection to nature.
I could feel the Spirit of Pacahamama present, a conscious manifestation of the Earth; feminine and incredibly loving. I gave my gratitude to her and marvelled at the loving gift of life she provides. I spoke out.
“I’m sorry for the damage I cause to you, that we all give you in the culture I come from. In trying to survive, we cause you great damage. I’m sorry, I wish I understood a way out of this problem”.
Pulling me into an embrace with an apparent humanoid form, she tells me -
“As long as you are conscious of that. To be here, experiencing me, knowing me, knowing the problems. That is enough for me, It’s all I wanted. I’m so happy you’re here. The act of understanding is the first step to making change.”
In taking a second cup of Ayahuasca I immediately know I’ve taken too much. The piercing sound of the Pineal Gland activating becomes deafening.
Darkness was being held at bay by a protective layer but I could not hold it back, it burst through with such ferocity into my very being.
I was confronted with an intense energy of insanity and destruction. In my minds eye countless visions of sharp machinery, demonic laughter, Human consumption and the pillaging of the Earth. It was unbearable. It was humanities rage, which we all hold.
Never before had I dealt with such darkness, had I brought this energy into this space myself? I was confronted with my own dark energy to consume others. This latent energy in the depths of my being that I had felt always had been present and now was now the focus of this ceremony. I saw in every way how I was a bad person and that the true nature of myself had always been this competitive drive.
I saw this energy, coupled with emotion of anger had been moving through my ancestral lineage, passed from parent to child for many generations. I visually saw it entering my father. The anger and frustration in his life causing in him shout madly. An emotion that came from him then rose up in me as I released that energy from myself also.
An incredibly difficult emotion to face, but at the same time it was very liberating to confront something that had been in my ancestral lineage for so long.
I sat cross legged, my hands in prayer, shaking violently; Myself balancing within this world and far beyond the veil. The experience is very overwhelming for me. I burst into an astral realm, I’m surround by humanoid entities sitting in a royal pool. In the distance a blue crystalline kingdom looms.
A wave of familiarity blows through me, a memory from long ago, a memory of home. A sense of realness to this realm the likes I have never felt before. It felt like whatever this place was, it was somewhere I once called home.
Shaking uncontrollably and tearful I was surprised at the words that came out of my own mouth -
“I don’t like it here, it’s frightening, why did you send me here? I want to come back.”
The words I received back from one of these entities was -
“No, you chose to come here at this time. It was your choice to come into this life at this time; to assist. The only one to ask is yourself, the answer to that choice is within you.”
This calmed me greatly, but what was it I had come here to do?
I saw the sense of abundance and community that the beings here enjoyed. I had a sense that what we enjoyed here was somehow to be reflected in this life. I came back into my senses, no longer beyond the veil. There were a stillness in the atmosphere. I cried for the intense energy from my ancestors that I confronted and shed.
What does it mean to heal yourself?..
To put a stop to the negative energies passed on from generation to generation. As a child we are around our parents for so much of our life, any energies the parents hold are naturally picked up by the child and it continues on until the chain is broken and we no longer pass those energies onto our own children. They may be energies that stretch long back into our ancestral lineage.
To heal yourself is to heal your lineage.
There was always this sensation of remembering the true self when breaking far enough beyond the veil. There was a reason to why this veil was here.
To live in this reality is to have an experience of separation from all that is; a separation from source. On the other side we are connected to our oneness. The veil is there for us to forget ourselves and play the game of life with all the multitudes of experiences and emotions that come with that game. To experience the whole gamut of life here, both positive and negative, is an incredible learning experience for the soul and helps us understand all that is.
I have burst past the veil and a certain awakeness sweeps over me. Like waking from a dream I look back and think ‘what a ride that was!’
I have seen this is not a state one needs to wait to see upon death. Everything is happening all together at once, here and beyond the veil. The best way I could describe it was that we are already present beyond the veil. And we are in a certain state where we are interfacing with life, and when we raise our gaze beyond the veil, we see we are simply interfacing with life and that we are actually residing beyond the veil, or as others might say ‘in a higher dimension’.
I remember raising my gaze from the interface of life, suddenly ascending to the actual dimension where I was really present.
Very profound ceremonies there. I was also alone on the last few days and unable to speak the language to much extent there. Sitting in front of the Shaman in ceremony and have him speak to me for 20 minutes, not understanding much of what he was talking about. He knew I was an artist and I gathered enough to understand he was talking about a friend of his who paints the Ayahuasca experience and how I should stay here to learn from the plants and paint the experiences. I didn’t have the time or money at the point though; perhaps in the future…
Here is a recording of one of the Shaman singing his ancient song:
Connect with this retreat at: http://www.santuariohealing.com/
24: Travels in Mexico
In the transition between South and North America, I spent a week in Mexico. The previous three months in Peru had felt a lot like work and I needed a week to unwind and so checked out the site of Mexico.
I had many preconceptions about Mexico from the media (especially about being a such a dangerous place) So I was not prepared to be connected to a the land full of beauty and warmth as I did, full of architecture and natural beauty. Finding a land I could see myself living in.
Below are some photos of a 5000 year old tree!! I had trouble fitting the tree in photos to accurately show off it’s size.
25: Arriving in America
I spent three long months in Peru, primarily in the jungle. Then after that Mexico. When I arrived in America, either I was projecting or the use of Ayahuasca made me more attune to energies in the environment. Either way there was a very unsettling atmosphere to the air in America. I remember it being heavy and suffocating. It held this certain quality of imbalance and tension to it, as though it was on the edge of something big happening.
On my limited budget I caught Greyhound buses from the southern tip of Miami up the east coast to Washington DC.
I spent time in Washington DC soaking up American history by visiting all the amazing museums Washington has to offer. American History Museum, Science Museum, Natural History Museum, Holocaust Museum and my favourite the Native American Museum.
I see a lot of Shamanic influence in the designs and quotes on the Native’s reverence for Nature.
Then many fantastic Art Museums. Having the chance to get right up close to the intricate detail of some astounding paintings. It reminded me of why I became so captivated by Art in my life.
A very intimidating atmosphere! After a 14 hour bus ride from DC, I step off the bus and emerge out near Times Square. My senses receive an onslaught from countless neon advertisements from above. This is quite a shock to the senses after three months in the Jungle, even after spending some time in Mexico and Washington DC.
I arrived in NY a couple days before the 11th anniversary of 9/11. I went down to Ground Zero the morning of 9/11 seeing many little graffiti pieces paying respects to those who lost their lives on that day. This is also my first time seeing the Freedom Towers being built in it’s place. Last time I visited NY was a few years after the attack and seeing the rubble.
28: Occupy Wall Street Anniversary
The movement that began on September 17, 2011 in Liberty Square in Manhattan’s Financial District, and has spread to over 100 cities in the United States and actions in over 1,500 cities globally. I was in New York for the anniversary of the event. Many had thought that the whole movement had blown over, but they made themselves known that they are still here one year later.
I went along to one of the annual events they hold, ‘The Ayahuasca Monologues’, where they have a bunch of speakers talk about their experiences with Ayahuasca. Check out one of the recorded talks below:
30: Alex Grey Live Painting
Alex Grey is one of the most renowned figures in the psychedelic community. He paints some very profound paintings on the mystical experience through psychedelics. It had been a longtime ambition of mine to see one of his famous live painting events. I went to one whilst in NY and got to see the man at work. I also picked up a book of his, which he signed.
31: New Paltz
The obtrusive energy of the dense city became a bit too much for me, so I took the opportunity to connect with my good friend Zain in New Paltz in Upstate NY, who I met at the last Tierra Vida retreat.
A great chance to see the stars once more!
Here is a little bit of footage strung together of the woods up on the Shwangunk Mountains, where we went mushroom picking for lunch:
At one point during our walk we broke out into a certain part of the woods that had been cleared and dozens of new trees were springing out of the ground amongst the light that filtered into the opening. We could really sense the new young life of the area; of rejuvenation.
32: Alan Steinfeld
I met Alan Steinfeld whilst in New York. Alan is the founder of newrealities.com – Interviews with teachers of consciousness, spirituality and new science.
He agrees to talk about his psychedelic experience on camera. What begins as a humorous retelling of his Ketamine experience, soon evolves into a tak on the role of psychedelics in consciousness explansion and how he believes they deplete our wholeness.
Alan had a lot of great insight to share and I hope you enjoy the interview!
He’s correct when he says it easy to have an expanded consciousness when under the effects of Ayahuasca, that’s what it’s designed for. It’s difficult to have an expanded consciousness without any chemicals. But because it’s hard, it is a more permanent change in consciousness. It is not ideal to reach these peaks of consciousness only to be dropped back down once the effects of the Ayahuasca wear off. No matter how much information you bring back with you, you are never permanently at that state of mind through the use of psychedelics.
Working with psychedelics gives us access to the particular frequency we inhabit in such expanded states of consciousness. We can learn to remember that frequency and attempt to match our frequency to the memory of that state. I made little to no progress for the longest of times in this. It was not until I stopped trying to remember with my mind and focus instead on the emotions I felt when in the altered states did I begin to faintly tap into those states organically; without the aid of any outside influence.
As a bonus clip Alan talks about the awakening happening on planet Earth and what the concept ‘Ascension’ means to him.
Check out Alan’s work at: http://www.newrealities.com
33: Rick Doblin, Ph.D
As I was in a restaurant with Alan Steinfeld, a big portion of the psychedelic research group ‘MAPS’ entered the restaurant. They had just finished with a lecture around the corner. I wouldn’t have known who they were without Alan pointing them out. We were invited to their table to join in on their discussions.
Rick Doblin, the founder of MAPS psychedelic research group agreed to talk about his psychedelic experience with LSD and Ibogaine and also talks about his work at MAPS researching MDMA.
Rick had a wonderful humble energy to him and was genuinly interested in the projects I was working on. I wish him and the MAPS the best of luck in their research with MDMA. Hearing his account and the accounts of other people I have encountered on my travels has given me a lot of confidence in the positive work of MDMA.
You can check up on the work of MAPS over at the website at: http://www.maps.org/
A friend I was with at the Tierra Vida Ayahuasca Retreat in 2011 had gotten involved with a someone doing Shamanic work, who after seeing my Don Lucho interview online wanted to explore taking my filming work further and invited me back into the jungle for more filming.
35: The Condor Eagle Prophecy
Part of what this new filming project is about is the Condor Eagle prophecy. The Condor Eagle prophecy is the balancing of yin and yang, and the bridging of Northern and Southern cultures.
The Condor represents the older South American tribal cultures, with it’s reverence for nature and it’s work in the matter of spirit. The Eagle represents the new North American cultures, with it’s technological insight and reverence for the study of physical matter.
The Condor Eagle prophecy is about unifying these two world view mindsets. The old cultures have preserved the knowledge of these altered states of mind and the knowledge that comes with it. The new cultures are beginning to receive the wisdom of these plant teachers at a time of great ecological uncertainty.
Part of the prophecy is the bringing together of the scattered tribes of the old cultures. In New York you see the coming together of many people representing their tribes, sharing their different medicine practices in ceremony
One of the subject matters to film on this particular trip is the sharing of different medicine practices between the native Don Lucho and the guest Shaman from Puerto Rico, Ivan.
Don Lucho (Luis Culquitón) is a fairly unique shaman in Iquitos for a few reasons. Firstly, he never underwent a formal apprenticeship under another shaman. Don Lucho has been communicating with the spirits of his ancestors (of the Cocama tribe) since he was a young child and he has received all his knowledge and training directly from the spirits and the plants he has dieted. He was just 12 years old when he undertook his first plant diet.
Ivan is originally from Boriken, the home of the indigenous Taino people. The Taino spirit is a guiding energy that Ivan is gifted with to access the ancient wisdom of the plant medicines.
See some of Ivan singing in ceremony below. Ivan’s ceremonies have been filled with so much light and I can’t recommend his commendable work enough!
Similar to my ceremony with Don Juan at the beginning of this journey, I often had ceremony experiences with Ivan and Don Lucho where I’m present in the maloka, but I see the entire surroundings with an added layer of reality on top of it. Various spirits can dip in and out of this space and I see the energies the Shaman draw upon and send out into the maloka space.
Don Lucho, like the energy of other Shaman I have encountered, was sending out visually very organic plant-like structures, as expected from someone connected to the land. The energy Ivan was sending out in comparison was very flamboyant in highly saturated colours of warm reds, oranges and yellows. The visual aspects shooting out energetic stars and designs remenicent of celebration. Where Don Lucho’s energy seemed to focus on healing and connecting one to the Earth. Ivan’s was more about upliftment and the celebration of life.
I’ve had a vision crop up in a few ceremonies in the past and it came again during one of the ceremonies here. In it a mass of people appearing as glowing white figures spread throughout all the communities in the world; bringing love, compassion and healing to all. When the world culture has been one of each person struggling to strive on their own, this was a tremendous force that brought people together as one thriving community with no borders or ownership over others. It ushered in a new era as each person that was touched by this light in turn spread it themselves. Healing the Earth.
The image of this story became more apparent when returning to New York and seeing how we have all become enslaved by the cultural system with have inherited. I arrived back in the concrete Jungle just a few days after hurricane Sandy hit. The hurricane was a strong medicine for the people of New York, who awoke to the truth that everything they need to survive is piped to them from outside. Once that switch is flipped they do not have the means to operate. If the cultural system falls, they fall with it.
We currently observe in the world our cultural system on the brink of collapsing. It has created great unease in many for it’s a very bleak outcome if it happens. This vision of the lightworkers would act as the path to peace instead of chaos at the end of this current cultural system.
To me this is the grand scheme Ayahuasca is helping to weave. Yes you do receive fantastic healing and seem to tap into the great unknown beyond life, but there is something bigger at play. It is the communities that are forming around these various different healing circles. Inheriting traits of sharing, healing and a connection to nature. Not to replace culture, but to just outgrow and leave it behind.
At the end of our stay in the Jungle we were visited by the Bora tribe. Natives who gave us a demonstration of the cultural dance taught to them from the Ayahuasca.
Back in New York I connected with the Shamanic movement there. There were many Shaman from different cultures coming together to share their various different medicine practices; Part of the Condor Eagle prophecy.
One Shaman in particular was a king from his tribe in Brazil. The only one in his tribe who can read and write, he has come to America to learn English and documentary film-making in order to be a voice for his people
There are groups of people here bringing much needed healing to the concrete Jungle. I won’t get into too many details on them here (many wish to remain off the radar) but I commend you all on the amazing light work you are each doing.
I have countless video and audio recordings of Shamanic Songs here, though I feel I must for now share an icaros from this man, who never failed to amaze with his songs.
38: 21st Dec 2012 Ceremony
The ceremony on the 21st Dec 2012 was quite an event. There were many different Shaman present form different cultures each sharing their songs. The event was packed and was incredibly difficult to film. I was tiptoeing around participants like a ghost to film some of the Shamanic songs.
Shaman learn to channel the energy of the Ayahuasca into their songs to stop from being too overwhelmed. It was a similar approach with my filming; With the Ayahuasca and filming I became very much ‘in the zone’, just allowing myself to be guided by the flow of the ceremony direction. Whenever I set the camera down I would suddenly become overwhelmed by the experience of the Ayahuasca.
In taking a second cup of Ayahuasca I set down the camera for a bit to have my own journey. The key to having a positive experience full of light with the Ayahuasca I have found is as simple as focusing on the breath. The breath becomes the light of life that fills your entire body.
The self that is so dependant on breathing, becomes awareness of how the self is so intricately connected and dependent on everything external to it. With the breath as my source of life, I don’t associate myself with just what is inside my mind, but begin to identify my true self as that very source that provides life for all. I connect to the oneness of all. This creates a mirror within me that reveals what is behind the veil and I connect with a particular space that my soul resides in.
I burst into a realm of rainbow colours, the same realm I have seen countless times and a realm that brings a sensation of my true self like nothing else in existence. I see the souls of some of the participants in the ceremony, who it seems I’ve held a soul connection to through countless lifetimes, my soul family.
I come back down to this reality and have to purge immediately. Feels like going to such places puts the body under a certain amount of pressure and it needs to purge the stress of that out. I see pieces of the design of the realm I just went to in the purge.
39: New Years Ceremony Report
I sang quite a lot during this New Years ceremony. Just like a previous attempt of mine at singing in ceremony in the jungle, there came a point when I stopped singing from my mind; let go and began to channel songs. I remember not being completely conscious of my singing but acting more like a vessel for the song that had it’s own life. I remember at one point in the singing, above me was a grand dome tunnel of celestial colours with some kind of green energy flowing down it into me and coming out into the room through my singing. Within this energy contained some of what I was singing. A very ancient a magical element to it that reminded me of old English folk lore.
40: To Conclude
People not involved with this are often quick to assume that this is all happening within your own mind and it isn’t real; just a product of the imagination. Besides the point that anyone who has delved into this in any meaningful depth wouldn’t be able to support such an idea, there is still an element of truth to that point. However just because it is happening within your mind doesn’t make it any less real. The emotions we feel for each other, although not existing in any physical dimension, are no less very much in existence; we give them life.
When facing beings of light and darkness in these altered states, it seems to me they are manifestations of the state of affairs within our own mind. If you deal with dark entities, they have been generated as a reflection of your own negative emotions running amok in you.
We all have an inner world within us that house manifestations such as this. It is up to us to keep our inner world in a good state. When you only carry positive emotions within you, this is reflected when encountering these inner realms, which will be blissful and full of love.
I have gone trough the process of transforming my inner world from one that carried a certain amount of darkness into light.
Going through the human experience, we choose to embody certain emotions and this greatly affects our inner world that we attain strong visual access to through the Ayahuasca. Working on the inner world through the Ayahuasca changes which emotions we embody, greatly affecting how we act in and perceive the outer world.
What’s unique is that through my work with Ayahuasca, I’ve seen how these manifestations are not restricted to our own inner world, but they seem to interact with the inner worlds of others. The presence of others in ceremony can greatly affect your own Ayahuasca experience as you pick up on their energy. This is also where the work of the Shaman comes in, who calls upon various healing spirits to interact with the inner worlds of participants in ceremony.
While a lot of what I have encountered with the Ayahuasca has felt like it has been a part of myself, there are definitely elements where there are strong sensations of interacting with external forces.
During one Ayahuasca ceremony when being confronted with very nasty entities, I was trying in earnest to fight against them, asking who they were. They replied that they are me, stop fighting against yourself.
I was shown how to deal with such occurrences through the guidance of a spirit, who was assisting me throughout the entirety of a particular Ayahuasca ceremony. When in a space of peace, I was brought down and confronted with these same negative entities, trying to get me to focus on all the negative aspects of myself and the world around me; A manifestation of a self critical state of mind that can too often cross into self hatred.
The spirit spoke out.
“These again?.. You keep having a problem with these ones. Forget about them, don’t even pay them any attention, that only gives them strength. You need lightness.”
By following her guidance I was able to adopt a certain lightness in my being and focus on the love in the world. From this I was able to float up away from the negative entities and back into the blissful realm. The spirit spoke.
“That’s it! You’ve learnt to let go. You don’t fight them, that just feeds energy into it, just allow the lightness of existence to fill your soul.”
To fight back against your negative emotions, which these visions were a manifestation of, only helps to feed these emotions even more. As this spirit taught me, it is only when we decide to focus instead on loving emotions do we truly leave them behind.
By having our abstract emotions manifest into visions and entities, it makes them easier to work with and confront. This is why Ayahuasca can be a great tool in the treatment of such things as post traumatic stress disorder. The Ayahuasca helps you face emotions and memories in ways that are approachable, to be able to see them in new a light and gain closure on unresolved issues.
The way I have picked up on energies and entities coming from other participants, the Shaman and external guiding spirits. It has led me to believe that we are contributing to a collective inner world. This is may be why many people have the experience of entering alternate ‘dimensions’. People seem to encounter spirits and many different kinds of alien life.
There definitely seems to be assistance from outside ourselves, by beings that are not creations by any person in this reality. When we tap into this inner world, it can be interfaced by life in even higher planes of reality.
With the Ayahuasca I received a vision of life in higher dimensions surrounding the Earth, making themselves known to me that they are present all around us to share their support for us, if we have the intention to receive.
Beginning in it’s most simplest state as one; the universe in it’s evolution through ever increasing complexity evolved into conscious life. The evolution of the universe I believe is to then arc in on itself and continue to evolve within consciousness itself. Delving into these realms, you get the impression they have been around long before we began to tap into them, evolving for a long time throughout the universe by other forms of life. They seem to go on in levels of evolution that boggle the mind.
I have been told stories though the Ayahuasca that there is life in very high levels of dimensional existence that comes way down to this third dimensional level of existence we are in to have the experience of living at this dimension. It was made clear to me that this is the reality for every individual in this dimension. That everyone has this multidimensional existence.
These dimensions of reality are all present. Everything is happening at once on every level and right now this reality is key. Our task at hand is to embody these loving vibrations into this current reality.
In this reality we have separated ourselves so far from the oneness we are and gone through an incredible amount of darkness with it. (and a valuable learning experience)
Wouldn’t it be quite something if after plunging ourselves into so much darkness, If after experiencing so much separation, that we would still be able to come back to the light and love, the oneness of source.
It’s quite the remarkable story…
In the highest dimension, from what I understand, it all comes back full circle to how it was at the beginning of existence; as one consciousness. The universe wakes up from the dream of separation. It is an infinite loop, a game of ‘Hide and Seek’, as Alan Watts used to say. Consciousness remembers that everything is itself, it finds itself and becomes one again.
To me this is the most valuable experience with the Ayahuasca. I have gone through many weird and wonderful interactions with spirits and different dimensional realms. However they are all still a part of this singular oneness, what all of us truly are, the entire works. No matter what life is out there, what dimensional realm it is in, it is all you.
In embodying and waking up to how you are everything in existence, there is this sensation of everything in existence waking up with you, for it is all within you.
There is nowhere else to go, nothing else to become, for you are already everything in existence. After a while it then separates out and dreams the experience of separation again and you play the game of life.
I saw how everything happenning in the outside world is simply a reflection of our own inner world.
The conflict and hate that we see in the outer world when looked at with the idea of the Earth as one entity, looks very much like an organism in a state of self hatred, constantly attacking itself. Just how human beings often are. I see the traits of my own terrible self criticism reflected in the way the world operates. As we learn to love ourselves and embody that energy, it will affect all those around us, reflecting into the outer world.
When we learn to love ourselves, then a part of the Earth has learnt to love itself.
Now I return back to woods, to pay respects to the place where I began my journey. Returning to that place of old energy with the new energies I now embody in myself.
So thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. It’s difficult for me to write this as I feel limited in my ability to portray these ideas with descriptive words; I think I’ll have a better degree of success with my art book project that delves into this.
I’ve met many inspiring people on my travels who seem to have a greater grasp of consciousness and life than myself.
I’m just willing to share a little of what I have gone through and what I have deducted out of this experience. They are my current thoughts about what I feel we are tapping into with the Ayahuasca, and perhaps that may change with other experiences. I’m just entertaining these conclusions for now. Maybe you’ll have completely different conclusions.
It’s important not to have any expectation of how the experience will be by reading other’s accounts. Just have the direct experience yourself and decide what you think about them. (I’d love to know what you conclude.)
There are various projects I need to wrap up that will mark a distinctive break to this chapter. I need to finish these various documentaries I’ve been filming. Firstly to finish the Rebekah Shaman story, then to edit together the footage of the Shamanic movement in NY, involving the ideas of the Condor Eagle movement.
Then I may edit together another little film that incorporates footage from everything that is about my own journey and will include various speaking segments of my own; I guess like an updated version of my Tierra Vida video.
Then there is still the matter of my Ayahuasca Graphic Novel, which had been put on the back bench so I could focus on these other immediate projects. I will pick that back up and document my progress with it.
Hopefully this can all be wrapped up in 2013 and I can look to walking the Earth again.
Until next time,